May 21, 2004

The other day, "Noelle" signed my guest book to say "love your diary--but gotta ask--if you're needing to save money, why get a tattoo?" and I must say, that's a very good question. The answer?

I allowed myself that one splurge financially. Not only that but I have an interview later today about my part-time job. And I'm getting my debt straightened out, a budget set, etc. So that one treat was sort of a last hoorah before I buckle down and get myself on the right track.

But thank you for paying attention and being concerned. The last year has been a really long journey for me with a lot of trials and tribulations. However, I view it all as a really big learning experience and I'm hoping that by these things happening, it's giving me a chance to step back from my life, review it, and go forward while making the changes I need to make in order to create a better life for myself and those around me.

Finances have been a problem for me in the past, as you've read here before, or could attest to if you looked in my closet or bank book. But keeping myself in debt has not only affected me but my loved ones as well - when they have to bail me out financially at times when they shouldn't have to. That's one of the biggest lessons I'm learning right now - although I always sort of knew it. I realized that enough is enough. I'm tired of being in debt. I'm tired of putting the strain on anyone else. Tired of it. Plain and simple. My debt has held me back from so many things in life and it's about time I started removing the obstacles (see the last entry regarding my horoscope) I've been making for myself.

I used to say, "I would go back to school if I could afford it" or "I would go to Paris if I could afford it." Always "if..." pertaining to money. And I've had enough of it.

I want to get my debt straightened out so I can come home after work each day and walk into a lovely house, carrying a stack of mail that only contains the usual bills like the phone bill or the mortgage bill - not credit card bills or IRS bills (although in fairness, most of my IRS debt was because my old law firm screwed me up on how they took out my taxes, or rather didn't take out my taxes). Anyway, I want to start living the life I want, not the one I keep saying I want but keep holding myself back from.

But back to the tattoo, because why would I pay for that if I needed to save? Again, it was my last hoorah. And it had special meaning (which I won't tell anyone so that's kind of funny). So there it is. My tattoo. My financial resolution to get myself out of debt and keep myself out of debt. Thanks for asking, Noelle.

that was then - this is now