May 10, 2004

I went to a pawn shop Thursday, to see what kind of offer I could get on our weddings rings - thinking that if I sold them maybe it would help me move on, and the money would certainly help me get through some of my debt.

Well, I wasn't ready to sell them because I don't really want to move on, truth (albeit obvious truth) be told. And the universe apparently doesn't think it's time to sell them, either, because the new guy working didn't know the going rate of platinum so he couldn't give me an offer. And even though he beeped the manager, the manager never called back so I didn't get an offer. I'll take it as a sign that the universe agrees with me, I'm not ready to sell.

Because when the guy started looking them over and complimenting the great taste in styles, I started crying, right there in the middle of the pawn shop, like a big fat idiot who's husband is leaving her.

I'm just not ready yet. It still hurts too damn much. I'm not ready because I'm still wishing that you weren't either.

that was then - this is now